"This court hereby dissolves this marriage as efforts to save it have failed. This marriage has, unfortunately broken down irretrievably. Each of you is free to co-habit with any partner of his or her choice, henceforth.''
This was a judgment of a customary court in Lagos recently, putting an end to a 10-year-old marriage of a commercial bus driver and his hitherto petty trader wife and mother of three.
This is just one of the many marriages dissolved before the courts in 2011 in Nigeria and other parts of the world.
Observers say customary courts all over Nigeria have in recent years become venues for the breaking of "till death-do-us-part" vows made in joyous moods, often before large members of both families.
In 2011, Lagos State customary courts recorded numerous divorce suits-- with women being mostly the plaintiffs.
Those involved cut across religious, tribal, social and economic status, as well as age brackets.
The rich, the poor, the young and the old, were affected and the reasons for these mostly acrimonious parting of once inseparable love birds are diverse.
Marriages that have endured for 40 years and produced children and ground-children, still end in bitter divorces, likewise those unions that still have wet pen marks on their certificates.
But majority of those filing for divorce can be categorized as poor and of little or no formal education.
Husbands and wives complain of battering by their spouses, neglect, desertion, inability to make babies, lack of sexual satisfaction, and most of all, infidelity.
Also, some come with complicated quarrels on who owns which property, attempted murder, squandering of jointly acquired funds, loss of confidence and doubtful paternity.
Although there is no readily available statistics at state and national level on the number of divorce suits, majority of the cases are often resolved and hitherto estranged couples admonished to "go and live happily" thereafter.
Pa Justin Oloworibi, 82, who has been married for 60 years, says the poor economy is contributing hugely to the growing number of divorce cases.
“Ostensibly, the poor economy is breeding 'fair weather friends' as 'for richer for poorer' seems to have changed to 'when you are in affluence, I stay by you, when you become poor, I'll move on' to greener pastures", he says.
Oloworibi adds that marriageable men and women will do better in marriage when they learn that it is a matter of give-and-take, and that it is difficult to have all what one has dreamt of in another person.
"There is no perfect marriage; the couple must, however, work towards making the union comfortable. Learn to shift ground and stop being selfish; it is the major ingredient of a happy married life.
"Realise that everyday is not Christmas; so, be contented with what you have," he adds.
The President of the Oshodi Customary Court in Lagos State, Alhaja A.I. Olorunimbe, describes the high rate of divorce seeking couples as very worrisome.
She, however, notes that majority of divorce cases handled by the court in 2011 were linked to poverty, immaturity, greed, dishonesty and lack of trust and understanding.
"We find it difficult to dissolve marriages in our court; out of 33 cases filed here in 2011, only three have ended in divorce due to the fact that they have become so complicated and broken down irretrievably.
"Most of the time, we adjourn for a long time in order to explore means of settlement, so that the children of the couples do not suffer and become nuisances to the society,'' she says.
Olorunimbe observes that most of the youths and children engaged in societal ills are products of broken homes.
“At each sitting and counselling we appeal to couples, telling them the negative effect of divorce and reminding them of what the Bible and the Quran say about divorce", she says.
She says many couples reason with the court and reconcile their differences and go back home to continue to co-habit.
A cleric, Rev. Fr. Patrick Obinabu, blames the increasing wave of divorce on immaturity, lack of love and lack of the fear of God between husbands and wives.
"Most couples are immature. They do not understand that they must respect each other and uphold the vows and love they professed before God on their wedding day," he says.
The cleric also blames the trend on faulty marriage foundation, saying ``People do not fear God anymore. They go to the court, swear and give false information without minding the consequences."
Obinabu explains that when a partner discovers such lies, he or she will lose trust in what should have
A marriage counsellor, Mrs Maria Ochiama, attributes the increasing wave of divorce to improper marriage-unions based on shaky foundations.
She explains that many women live as wives with men who did not marry them properly-either according to native customs and laws, or the statutes.
Ochiama says that out of desperation to be married, many women follow men from motor parks, drinking joints and social gatherings, and never bothered about marriage rites, especially the payment of dowry, "no matter how small".
She says such women will hardly be respected by the men, and that such relationships may not last.
According to her, the same calamity awaits men who pick up fine girls in the streets, drive them home and start co-habiting with them without knowing where they come from, much less their families.
The counsellor appealed to women to allow themselves to be properly married before living with men in order to earn their respect and build peaceful homes.
A psychologist, Dr Jimoh Yusuf, also blames the high rate of divorce on poverty, lack of love, unfaithfulness and dwindling societal values.
"The Nigerian economy is a divorce-causing agent. Some women are desperately searching for greener pastures, thereby compromising the standards of love. They fall in love with the 'greener pastures' but not with the men who intend to marry them,`` he says.
Yusuf laments that where children are already born to estranged couples, these innocent young ones are mostly negatively affected by divorce. He lists some of the unpalatable consequences on children as indiscipline, improper upbringing, poor education and lack of parental care.
These, he says, could make such children to become nuisances to the society. He urges couples to always create room for reconciliation, in spite of the nature of their disagreements, so as to be able to take care of their children and build stable homes that would give room for a stable society. (NAN)
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